Capture the Demon
by DraconisNight130
Summary: Team 7 is sent on a daring, dangerous mission. What's the worst that could happen? What is this worrisome foe? How will these hapless, helpless genin survive? And why am I so obsessed with alliteration? Warning: Crackfic


**Capture the Demon**

**DN- Frenchie~ Mr. Plot-Bunny won't let me sleep!**

**F- What are you screaming about? You're an insomniac, anyway.**

**DN- Is no one on my side?**

**F- No.**

**DN- Okay... I do not own Naruto or any characters/places therein. Now, I'm going to find someone who'll support me, unlike Frenchie here!**

**F- Good luck with that. See you in a few millennia!**

It was that time again. The time for team 7 to take on the mission that had thwarted many a greater ninja in the past. However, the enthusiastic genin paid this fact no heed, for they thought this task couldn't be _that_ bad, right?…Right?

Naruto bounded out of the tower with a smile on his face. He would complete this mission and be one step closer to proving his inherent awesomeness.

"So Kakashi-sensei, what is this mission?" The jonin gave Naruto his best I-secretly-want-to-strangle-you-with-your-own-annoyingly-bright-jacket smile. Unfortunately for him, Naruto didn't speak eye-smile and Kakashi was forced to go into a long explanation that the Hokage had already given not five minutes ago.

We now find our young ninja friends entering the forest outside Konoha. They were heading quietly towards the place where their target was last sighted. And when I say quietly, I actually mean they were making enough noise to wake a sleep-deprived Nara.

"So Sakura-chan, want to go on a date after this mission is over?"

"You baka! I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man alive!"

"Now Sakura, that's a little harsh."

"Yeah, I'm really hurt here!"

"Hn. Like we care dobe."

"Oh, that one reached the heart. You've killed me Sasuke-teme!" Cue over-dramatic fall while clutching at the heart.

"Good."

"Anyway! We're going to split up and use comms for this mission right? So we should totally come up with supertastic nicknames!"

"Oh look, the little squirt thinks he's smart inventing words."

"Hn. I propose Naruto be dobe."

"But Sasuke-kun, that's so not creative! How about Orange Eyesore?"

"Well if _that's_ how you really feel, I propose you two be Emoduck and Stalker."

"Now guys, you should know by now that Naruto is obviously Fishcake."

"My name means maelstrom!"

"Hn. Quiet, Fishcake."

"So sensei, how do you feel about the name Scarecrow?"

"No way, Sakura-chan! He should totally be Ero-cyclops!"

"I hope you all die on this mission."

"Hn. You do realize you just said that aloud?"

"Yup! Now here are you're comms, shove off."

With that last statement, Kakashi vanished to go read his precious Icha Icha…I mean, observe his lovely protégés.

Naruto was scrambling through the undergrowth while tracking the target by smell. Sasuke had decided to blindside the target and was running through the trees, searching fervently. Sakura was completely disregarding the mission and stalking her own target -coughSasukecough-. The two semi-sane members of the team stopped abruptly as they heard a scream in the distance.

"Hn. Fishcake, you alright?"

"Emoduck! Stalker! For the love of Kami, save me!"

"You baka! What stupid thing have you done this time?"

"Oh, Kami! The demon's got me! Help!"

The two sped up and finally reached the clearing where their teammate stood. Naruto had managed to escape the demon's clutches but sported many gashes over his body. The monster crouched, at the other end of the open space, hissing. It was a truly fearsome thing: all brown fur and razor-sharp teeth and claws.

Sasuke charged towards it with Naruto and Sakura sneaking up behind it. It was a long and drawn out battle with many clone casualties and new scars for the genin. But eventually, the three were able to incapacitate their demonic target.

Sakura carried the unconscious body while Naruto and Sasuke shot it scathing looks. Kakashi walked in the back, trying to suppress his laughter. The three walked into the Hokage Tower while receiving sympathetic looks from all the shinobi present. They turned over the detested creature and received their pay. However, the aged Hokage had a few last parting words for the unhappy genin.

"Congratulations, team 7, on completing your first Tora retrieval mission-"

"Meeeeow!"

"-fancy doing another?"

"NO!"


End file.
